So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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