If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
