Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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