dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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