I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
