Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
