Christians are straight up FREAKS
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
