Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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