Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
