i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
