I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am mentally ready for anal.
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