Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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