first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
