hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
