sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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