did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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