If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
