I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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