Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
