I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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