Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
