I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
