he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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