I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i think my cat just said my name.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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