i love accidental penises.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
