ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
