do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
