I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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