theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
