What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
