I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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