Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
