is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
