How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
