at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
