i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dicks are not precious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
