That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
