I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
