I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize