Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
