Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
