All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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