I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
