When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
