Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are two peas in an std pod
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
