I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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