I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
