he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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