have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
