Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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