i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize