So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
