WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize