I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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