Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
