do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The power of my boobs compel you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
