I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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