i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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