Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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