names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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