I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
