...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
