i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
