You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize