yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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