I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
