Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
