Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You smell like stripper and shame
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
