Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
