I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
