the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
