No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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