Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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