also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
