Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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