Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
