im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My dick has a subreddit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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