I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
