this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
