So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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