The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
