$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
