On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
