fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize