Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
