everyone is single if you try hard enough
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
